Last week, I made my maiden speech to the College Historical Society, on the motion This House Would Introduce Gender Quotas in Irish Politics. I really enjoyed the giving the speech; it was really good fun and most people laughed in most of the right places and I felt that I didn’t make a total arse of myself. Granted I did mention the trigger words “pile of ironing” which instanteously sent every rabid lesbian feminist in the room to their feet. However, some choice rebuttal and some mace spray soon sorted them out… I would, at this point, like to clarify and point out that I do my own ironing and have done so for the past six years. (I can even name my brand of iron; it’s a Bosch; so take that, I’m no stranger to the world of laundry.)
So overall, well done. The Auditor described it as “a confident and entertaining maiden speech”; really I don’t think that I can do better than that. Also, speaking alongside Mary O’Rourke TD added a certain “genocide quaw” to the occasion. She’s actually much smaller than you’d imagine in real life, as I actually said to her afterwards, but anyway, I desist.
On Wednesday, the Record Secretary, Kate, read the minutes of the last Ordinary Public Business Meeting. It is my dubious pleasure to be “minuted” i.e. to have merited a mention in the minutes of the Hist; the most august student debating society in the world. Unfortunately I had been at the gym before the meeting, and arrived a few minutes late – to find to my abject horror, that Private Business had actually started early and we were now on Public Business, and that Kate was mid-way through her minutes. I walked into the crowded chamber literally seconds after she had read out the minutes pertaining to moi. I was raging I missed it. I would rather have liked to be in the room when everyone was laughing at my expense. Anyway, I had the good fortune to bump into her this morning and she gave me a rendition of what she had delivered to the House on Wednesday. I was very impressed. Here’s the jist of what she said:
Speaking in Opposition to the motion, Marcus reminded us that a quota would not do the ironing, in a speech that focused on the role of women in husband, hearth and home.* This showed us that Marcus didn’t really get women. But then again, he would be the first to admit that he wasn’t really interested in getting women.
*Granted, it’s not word for word verbatum, but it’s the general jist of what she said, so apologies Madam Record Secretary if you find I have misquoted you.